


to feel that life is a breath (that twenty years is nothing)

by Dontfloatthe100



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 15:13:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14772036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dontfloatthe100/pseuds/Dontfloatthe100
Summary: Merlin feels the unfamiliar, heavy weight of a crown upon his head as he looks out over the sea of red capes and finery, or as close to finery as many in Camelot can afford. They are chanting to him, welcoming him in as their second king, the king-consort of Camelot. Merlin glances over at Arthur who gives him a reserved yet encouraging smile. Merlin can't help but grin widely. It was his wedding day after all.He looks back out over the crowd of people spotting Gwen and Lancelot holding hands near the front, Gaius smiling proudly up at him, Gwaine winking suggestively and somehow proudly. Merlin loves them all.But as the chants continue and he looks over the sea of people, one thought penetrates his mind, pushing its way to the front of his consciousness.Shit, I have absolutely no idea how to be king.





	to feel that life is a breath (that twenty years is nothing)

**Author's Note:**

> First Merlin fic on ao3. I used to write platonic Merlin/Arthur on wattpad when I was like 12 and a coward. Look at me now, mom.

Merlin feels the unfamiliar, heavy weight of a crown upon his head as he looks out over the sea of red capes and finery, or as close to finery as many in Camelot can afford. They are chanting to him, welcoming him in as their second king, the king-consort of Camelot. Merlin glances over at Arthur who gives him a reserved yet encouraging smile. Merlin can't help but grin widely. It was his wedding day after all.  
  
He looks back out over the crowd of people spotting Gwen and Lancelot holding hands near the front, Gaius smiling proudly up at him, Gwaine winking suggestively and somehow proudly. Merlin loves them all.  
  
But as the chants continue and he looks over the sea of people, one thought penetrates his mind, pushing its way to the front of his consciousness.  
  
_Shit, I have absolutely no idea how to be king._  
  
×/×  
  
Merlin wakes with the daylight as he always does and pushes himself out of bed. He is a little sore from his and Arthur's... activities the night before, but he has been with Arthur for more than three years so he is used to it. Merlin pulls on the clothes that he was wearing the day before and makes for the kitchen.  
  
Along the way people bow to him and Merlin smiles back politely, but he can't help but feeling strange about it. It is something he'll have to get used to, he supposes.  
  
He finds the kitchen easily, with the practiced precision of someone who has done it a million times before. When he steps inside, the cook is talking to a young boy that Merlin doesn't recognize. Merlin walks over to them and they stop their conversation.  
  
"Oh, your Majesty. What are you doing down here?" the cook asks. She looks as if saying "your majesty" to Merlin is strange to her, and Merlin understands how she feels.  
  
"I'm just retrieving breakfast for myself and Arthur," Merlin says.  
  
"Oh, well William here is going to do that. You needn't trouble yourself," she says, gesturing to the boy next to her. The boy nods timidly, a blush coloring his cheeks.  
  
Merlin suddenly feels very stupid. Of course he has a servant now to do these things for him, he is the king's consort after all. He doesn't really know how he feels about it, but when he looks back down at the boy who looks so timid yet so eager to please, he decides instead to focus on setting William's mind at ease.  
  
"Of course. William, why don't I walk you up to my chambers? I am headed that way anyways," Merlin says. The boy nods and picks up a platter of food from the table. The boy is small and the plate looks almost bigger than him. It takes everything in him not to just take the platter himself, but it would tell William that he wasn't good enough and he would be crushed. Merlin decides to leave it be for now and just focus on getting back to Arthur.  
  
They leave the kitchen together and walk up the long staircase to the third floor of the castle. Merlin feels an almost uncomfortable silence so he decides to make conversation with young William.  
  
"Where do you come from, William?" Merlin asks.  
  
"H-here, my Lord," William says.  
  
"In Camelot? Does your mother work in the castle?"  
  
"Yes. She is a maid," William says.  
  
"Hmm. Growing up here, I'm sure you know the castle very well. I had to learn my way around when I arrived in Camelot," Merlin says. The boy's face betrays his curiosity.  
  
"Where are you from?" William asks.  
  
"I am from Ealdor. It is a small village on the border with Mercia. I came here when I was little older than eighteen. But that was a long time ago," Merlin says.  
  
"How- how did you become king then?" William asks. Any adult would hesitate to ask such a question, but William is young and curious and does not yet understand how to conduct himself with tact. Merlin finds it endearing.  
  
"I became Arthur's manservant soon after I arrived, and you know what they say: love blooms in the strangest of places. Ah, we're here," Merlin says as they approach his chamber door.

Merlin bends down to William and gently takes the platter from him. "I'll take it from here, William. Come back in an hour and I will find something for you to do," Merlin says softly. William nods and runs off down the hallway. Merlin watches him with a fond smile before opening the door.  
  
Arthur is still asleep, unsurprisingly, so Merlin places the platter on the table and walks over to the bed. He places a kiss on Arthur's cheek. Arthur stirs and shifts but does not wake up.  
  
"Come on. Up, you lazy daisy," he says.  
  
"Merlin," Arthur croakes, opening his eyes slightly. Merlin, satisfied, goes to the table and arranges the food onto two plates.  
  
"Merlin, what are you doing?" Arthur asks.  
  
"Arthur, you obviously know what I'm doing, I've been doing it every day for five years," Merlin says.  
  
"Merlin, you do realize that we have servants for this," Arthur says.  
  
Merlin sighs. "Yes, yes I know. I just met ours on the way up. But I guess old habits are hard to break," he says, glancing at the food with pursed lips.  
  
"Merlin, come here," Arthur says. Merlin toes off his shoes and climbs into bed. His husband wraps his arms around Merlin, maneuvering him so that they are facing each other, noses less than a few inches apart.  
  
"You've spent five years of your life serving me, Merlin. You don't have to do that anymore," Arthur says, running his thumb over Merlin's cheekbone.  
  
"Yes, I know. But despite your bullying, I did enjoy taking care of you, Arthur," Merlin says.  
  
Arthur smiles, eyes full of adoration. Then something shifts and his pupils dilate. His mouth twists into a devious smirk.  
  
"You can still take care of me in other ways," Arthur says, his voice dripping with meaning.  
  
"And what ways will those be?" Merlin asks, playing along with his husbands shameless come on.  
  
"Hmm, I'll show you," he says, pressing his lips to Merlin's.  
  
The breakfast is all but forgotten about.  
  
×/×  
  
Merlin knocks on the door to Gwen and Lancelot's rooms and waits patiently for an answer. A moment or two later the door swings open and Merlin is met with Gwen's warm smile and welcoming arms. Merlin smiles back and gives her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.  
  
"My Lord! What a pleasant suprise!" Gwen says lightly, motioning for him to enter. Her rooms that were gifted to her and Lancelot when they wed are spacious and open with large windows that welcome in sunlight during most hours of the day. Gwen, no longer a servant herself but not one to remain idle, has taken to overseeing the activities of the castle staff. She has a desk set up in the room and it is covered with schedules and budgets and other papers pertaining to her job. A vase of daisies sits amongst her cluttered papers, bringing a touch of Gwen to the room.  
  
"Gwen, there's no need to refer to me as 'my Lord.' I'd prefer if you didn't," Merlin says.  
  
"Well, you are the king after all," Gwen says, eyes sparkling with merth.  
  
"King-consort, Gwen. You know that as well as I," Merlin says, shaking his head.  
  
"Yes, of course. That is why they everyone was chanting 'Long Live the King' at your coronation," Gwen says, "But you're not here to debate your station, are you?"  
  
"No. I was wondering if you would like to go on a walk with me," Merlin says.  
  
"Feeling cooped up?" Gwen asks.  
  
"Just a bit," Merlin admits sheepishly.  
  
"Of course I'll go with you, just give me a moment to finish up," Gwen says. She goes to her desk, signs off on a few papers, and they leave together, making their way towards the courtyard. They find the road to the lower town and walk down to the markets, looking at the people selling their wares. Many of them recognize him and they bow or curtsy as he passes. Merlin smiles politely and he hopes they don't notice his discomfort.  
  
"Not used to it yet?" Gwen asks, nudging his side. Merlin holds out his arm to her and she links hers with his.

"You've been here for five years, surely you're used to how people treat royalty," Gwen says.  
  
"I don't know if you've noticed, but I've never been the most deferential to Arthur," Merlin says as they reach the gates to the citadel.  
  
"No, you weren't," she says with a chuckle, "Everyone used to gossip about you. 'Did you here about the servant who called the Prince a prat? I cannot believe he wasn't sacked on the spot.'"  
  
"Did they really?" Merlin asks, his cheeks colouring slightly.  
  
"Mhm. But I think everyone understands why now," she says.  
  
"Yes, I suppose they do," Merlin says. But some part of him wonders why him, why would Arthur choose the mouthy servant that never showed him any respect, destiny aside. He clears the thought away for another time. Now, he just wants to enjoy his time with Gwen, enjoy not having to be the king-consort for just a few hours.  
  
×/×  
  
Merlin takes to walking in the lower town when he doesn't have any work, which is normally the case. He deals with magical problems in Camelot, but Morgana hasn't resurfaced since before his marriage to Arthur and the crops across Camelot have been doing well, so he doesn't have much to occupy himself with.  
  
He likes walking amongst the people in the lower town. He tries to buy some things from a few of them, the ones who look especially in need, and he always overpays. He remembers how the winters could be when he was young, and his village never had a king to make sure that they didn't starve. The children have taken to crowding around him and demanding that he show them his magic. Merlin doesn't mind though, actually he welcomes it. This new generation will grow up without Uther's ridiculous laws. They will grow up free and will accept that magic is a natural part of the world.  
  
It is not long until the children stop asking him to demonstrate and start asking him to teach, which he does with zeal. He loves teaching them, loves seeing them improve and move on to more difficult spells.  
  
"You should open up a school for them," Lancelot says when Merlin mentions it to him. Merlin had decided to meet with the knights in between their training sessions. Now that it isn't mandatory for him to come and help, he finds that he sees them less than he would like. He makes it a point to spend their break with them a few times a week.  
  
"Really? You think Arthur would allow that?" Merlin asks.  
  
"Merlin, that man repealed the ban on magic for you and then crowned you king. I don't think there's a single thing he wouldn't do for you," Gwaine says. He takes a bite of his apple and raises his brows, challenging Merlin to contradict him.  
  
"Yes, I suppose you're right. But I can tell that Arthur isn't entirely comfortable with magic yet, and I don't blame him. I don't want to overstep my bounds," Merlin says.  
  
"Since when have you ever worried about that?" Elyan asks.  
  
"Elyan is right. It's not like you ever had any qualms about overstepping your bounds in the past," Leon says. He leans back on his hands and his curly blonde hair swishes a bit behind him.  
  
"I know that, but now if I do it reflects back on Arthur. It's not like many people agree with his decision to marry me. I don't want to give people a reason to dislike Arthur, you know?" Merlin says, and it's difficult to voice, but it's true.  
  
Lancelot places a hand on his shoulder. "You shouldn't worry about that, Merlin. Everyone knows how you almost single-handedly saved Camelot from Morgana. They won't forget that easily."  
  
"You could probably walk naked into town square and conjure up a couple hundred frogs and people would still love you," Gwaine says.  
  
"Though you probably shouldn't test that theory," says Percival. He goes a little red at the mention of it.  
  
"All we're saying is that you should talk to him. He loves you and if teaching makes you happy then he'll be happy to indulge you," Leon says. The knights nod in agreement.  
  
"Thank you," Merlin says sincerely.  
  
"No problem, Merlin. You know we like you better than Arthur anyways," Gwaine says teasingly.  
  
"At least you don't work us to the bone every day," Elyan says.  
  
"Speaking of, here comes the princess himself."  
  
Arthur is walking over to the group of knights lounging on the soft grass. His hands are on his hips.  
  
"I see you're taking lessons in laziness from Merlin," Arthur says without malice.  
  
"I thought that when you married me you wouldn't bully me anymore," Merlin says, a fake pout on his lips.  
  
"You would be bored if I didn't. Now up, you lot. Pick a sparring partner and get to it," Arthur says to a chorus of grumbles and shuffling clothing and chainmail as the knights get up and walk across the field to the weapons rack.  
  
Merlin stands as well and is pulled into a kiss by Arthur. Arthur's hand sinks into Merlin's hair and his tongue pushes into Merlin's mouth as Merlin moans at the feeling. After a minute, Arthur pulls away panting.  
  
"What... what was that for?" Merlin asks, out of breath.  
  
"Just because I can," Arthur says, a devious smile spreading across his face. Merlin kisses it from his lips and all thoughts of overstepping his bounds are forgotten.  
  
×/×  
  
"Arthur, can I speak to you for a moment?" Merlin says when they're in their chambers that evening.  
  
"Do you even have to ask, Merlin?" Arthur teases, but Merlin looks away, a frown painting his features. Arthur walks up to him and places a hand on his cheek, guiding him to look back at Arthur.  
  
"Merlin, what's wrong?" Arthur asks.  
  
"I-- I want to open up a school, for magic users. I want to teach children how to use magic safely and properly. I want to foster a new generation of magic users in Camelot," Merlin says in one breath. He bites his lip and searches Arthur's face for a sign of approval.  
  
"Merlin, were you afraid to ask this of me?" Arthur asks instead.  
  
"I-- I didn't think that you would be very comfortable with it," Merlin says.  
  
"And when have you ever cared about whether I would be comfortable with something?" Arthur asks.  
  
"The knights said something similar," Merlin says.  
  
"You talked to the knights before you talked to me," Arthur says, a sense of hurt in his voice.  
  
"I know I shouldn't have, I just..."  
  
"Just what, Merlin?"  
  
"I just want to be a good king, Arthur. I know that the council didn't approve of our marriage and many others didn't as well, and I feel like if I make a mistake it reflects badly on you," Merlin says. His cheeks are red and he can't meet Arthur's eye.  
  
"Merlin..."  
  
"Arthur, I don't know how to be king. I wasn't raised for it. I'm from Ealdor, I was a farm boy and then a servant, your servant. Anyone else would've been better for this, anyone," Merlin says. His eyes begin to fill with tears and he tries to blink them away. He doesn't want to cry in front of Arthur.  
  
"Merlin, have you felt like this since the wedding?" Arthur asks softly.  
  
"Yes," he mumbles, looking away. Arthur cups his cheeks and moves Merlin's face so that he's looking right at Arthur.  
  
"Merlin, why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I was scared, Arthur. I thought that if I mentioned it you would finally come to your senses and realize that I'm not right for the job and cast me out. I was too selfish to let that happen."  
  
Arthur is silent for a moment before he opens his mouth to speak. "There's talk, from the lower towns about how you spend money on things you don't need just to give the people a little extra. How you play with the children and teach them magic and help them learn to accept their gifts. How you handle situations that arise with fairness and grace. The servants in the castle already loved you, the knights already loved you, but you've made our people love you as well. You are a great king, Merlin. I have never once doubted that and I never will. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be you."  
  
Merlin gives Arthur a watery grin and Arthur pulls him into a chaste kiss. They pull apart and Arthur presses his forehead to Merlin's.  
  
"Please, tell me if you are ever feeling like this again. I don't ever want you to suffer in silence. Neither of us ever has to do that anymore, okay? We have each other now," Arthur says.  
  
"Yeah, yeah okay," Merlin says and kisses Arthur again and feels his worries lift and dissipate into the summer air.


End file.
